We have decided after FINALLY reviewing the case file on this child that he is WAY too much for our family to handle. Acute mental hospitalization 1- 2 times a year for suicide and murder threats, running away, stealing, lying, irate behaviors... could deal with maybe one or two of his issues, but...
Now, what to do? We have an acquaintance who fosters through a private agency that I have spoken with, and I was very impressed by the fact that they actually answered the phone, were able to answer my questions, etc... We are considering switching agencies.
I guess we will think about it over the next few days and take some time off to meet with them after Christmas.
I hope you all have a great holiday with your little ones! Avery will have lots of cousins around to entertain him. Poor little guy, wants a brother sooooooo bad... that's he's even willing to take a stinky sister, as long as she is accompanied by a brother!
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
Slow Developing Pregnancy Test
When it takes longer to find out if you are expecting than it takes an elephant to gestate, you might be dealing with DFCS!!!! The waiting is killing me! And this is just to find out if we might maybe even want to pursue getting more information about "JR". Our case worker was informed that he has been diagnosed bi-polar, but we were also told that there were some big changes made to his case file before it was sent to our cw for review. I will not get attached... I will not get attached... I will not get attached... I will not get attached... I will not get attached... I will not get attached... I will not get attached... I will not get attached... Hopefully we will hear something this week. I hate to think of the perfect time over the holidays that we could use to get to know this boy if we decided. I know it will probably not happen in time, but the ever optimist that I am...
Thursday, November 20, 2008
To teen, or not to teen...
So, a couple of weeks ago we went to an adoption teleconference sponsored by the state. The children would all congregate at a facility in our area, and there were satellite facilities around the state where adults looking to adopt could gather and interview and interact with the children through the TV. We almost didn't go, as there were no children that were in our "age range" that were supposed to be there, but decided to go to see how it all worked, and you just never know who you might meet!
Well, we met a cw who had brought a young teenager, who we spent some time with and we have inquired about him. We are waiting to hear back from his cw, who has been out of town until today. Our cw, of course, has been gone for 12 days now, and completely unreachable, not that she is very reachable when she is in town!
We have grown VERY frustrated with DFCS and the whole "process" (which is a term I think they use to label "inefficiency") and have spoken with a couple private foster agencies, who I think we will be switching to if this child doesn't come through. We shall see...
Well, we met a cw who had brought a young teenager, who we spent some time with and we have inquired about him. We are waiting to hear back from his cw, who has been out of town until today. Our cw, of course, has been gone for 12 days now, and completely unreachable, not that she is very reachable when she is in town!
We have grown VERY frustrated with DFCS and the whole "process" (which is a term I think they use to label "inefficiency") and have spoken with a couple private foster agencies, who I think we will be switching to if this child doesn't come through. We shall see...
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Happy Birthday, again!
So, I am doing my birthday again today. Not many people get to turn 37 twice! I am praying for a more enlightened day today. Avery thinks it is hilarious that we are having a "re-do".
Today, we will go forward with our journey. I have looked a little on sites outside of our state for waiting children, but got very discouraged reading all of the problems these children seem to have. I guess that to make it to the state's website, there must be something fairly outstanding about that child's situation. So, today I will contact our county's adoption coordinator and advise him of our "bachelor" status and go forward from here.
So, "Happy Birthday" to me!
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
So, we finally got an answer from the CW... but it wasn't the one we were hoping for! The children's cw has decided to go with another family. To say that we are disappointed is an understatement! I wish the children a happy successful life with their new family. We will think of them often and remember them in our prayers.
Now, on with my terrible birthday! (Can you postpone a birthday by a day and try again?)
Now, on with my terrible birthday! (Can you postpone a birthday by a day and try again?)
Sunday, October 12, 2008
30 days... and counting
So, tomorrow is officially the 30 day mark for D,B and J's caseworker to respond to our inquiry. So, on Friday, since tomorrow is a holiday, I emailed our cw and asked when was appropriate to contact them. She responded by saying that she had emailed her last Friday (the 3rd) and would try again Friday. She would ask her supervisor what to do if no response again. Needless to say, I was shocked by her "forward thinking"... a cw that keeps a calender? Say it isn't so!
Hopefully we will hear something soon.
Hopefully we will hear something soon.
Friday, October 10, 2008
I just wanna be a Mom!
So, today is the day that I contact our CW, AGAIN! This process has been painfully grueling. Maybe we should start from the beginning...
Almost six years ago (10-24-02) our perfect boy was born with no complications, no help getting pregnant (2nd month off pill conceived), etc. We started trying to get pregnant again about ten months later, to no avail. I felt immediately that something was wrong, medical providers assured me that a year is not uncommon to achieve conception, so we should be patient... keep trying! So, I started tracking everything for a few months, returned to my doctor, they tested me... FINE. On to dear husband...
He was diagnosed with a varicosele (collapsed vein that feeds the testicles and keeps them up to temperature) , had surgery to repair, went through months of clomid treatments, multiple donation tests, no improvement... so they send us to a fertility specialist that told us that our only option was in vitro with a donor! Boy, was that a disappointing shock!
So, this began our journey of what to do as we knew we wanted to add more children to our family. We had offers to "help" conceive from well meaning friends, we thought about in vitro, briefly! We have always considered adoption. What to do?
At first we thought if we used a donor, at least a child would be half ours. But did we really want to spend that kind of money on in vitro, where we ran the risk of NOT conceiving, or conceiving too many at a time. (I own my own business and cannot work if pregnant with multiples, plus after the fact...) So then considered using a friend who had offered, but... JUST TOO WEIRD!! Very honored for them to offer, and the offer was genuine...
So one day, we decided to contact Andy's Uncle David, who is affiliated with a group home "orphanage" in Macon, for advice. He said we should contact our County DFCS office and look into becoming foster parents. He told us that the children who are in their home are there for the most part because they need to be in a group home setting. Many are special needs, are older and not suited for living in a classic famiy setting with a younger child already in our home.
So we prayed and considered options, and...
called DFCS to get info. They sent us a packet, and we waited a couple months for the next class to begin. So for six weeks or something, we went twice a week for IMPACT training, which ended just before Thanksgiving of '07, and the waiting began...
We waited...
and waited...
and waited...
Until FINALLY, the last day of my Son's school for the year, I fianally got a call...
Hi, this is "So and so" from XXXX County DFCS. We were just beginning to start a new series of training classes and I found your folder at the bottom of a pile on my desk, so I figured I should give you a call and get started on your case file. Boy, did I feel appreciated!
Now I knew that another couple we had been through classes with had been approved since February. But, we were all told to be patient and not call and harrass the CW's as they all had alot on their plates and would get to each of us in turn. So, we had gone about our business, assuming that it would happen in it's own time.
So, we set up a first meeting for a few weeks out from when she contacted as it was the first availability that she would have, Mid June maybe? She spent awhile at our house talking to all three of us, met our son, met our dogs, but didn't really look around the house at all. As she was leaving, she said that we needed to set up our second and final homestudy visit for some time in July as it was the soonest she could get back to us, and she told us on the sidewalk as she was leaving that she would be retiring August 1 and had to have everything finalized by then. GREAT!!! Another new person to get to know and get to know us...
So she came out, talked some more (didn't have her glasses so she couldn't read anything she was writing) made sure we gathered missing paperwork, looked at floor plan of our house, and looked around the property. And then she left saying she was going on a car trip the next day and would be calling us with some questions as she would be writing our home study. Never spoke to her again!
She did email on Aug. 1 and said that she was submitting our homestudy for approval and told us to look at the state's available children website and forwarded us a few children to look at that were not on there yet. And that someone would be contacting us to assign us a new CW, but that a new girl would be at her extension. SO , we waited and waited and went on vacation, and on our way home, we went to an adoption meet and greet (although there were no physical children, only booths set up with workers from each County) where we met the DFCS Supervisor, and were assigned a new CW finally, because we were there and couldn't easily be swept under the rug. Looked around at the waiting children, spoke to a few CW's , and found the table of the children we have been watching for awhile. I was so excited! And she was so short and disinterested in speaking with us... I was a little taken aback.
They are a sibling group of three, a 9 year old girl and a just 5 and just 6 year old boys. They are so cute! I am not supposed to publish names, but they can be found on www.myturnnow.com under sibling groups. (They are blond) The youngest boy is diagnosed with autism, but she said they are downgrading his diagnosis and she felt with some love and nurturing, they all would adapt fine. The girl is very quiet and withdrawn, but warms up once she knows you and that both of the kids who are in school are good students, and the youngest boy has been attending part time daycare.
We finally recieved approval of our home study a few weeks after this meeting (during which time we were unable to request info on these children), and as soon as we found out we were approved, we formally requested info on these children. And a couple of days later, we received a copy of our home study. Well, suffice it to say that our original CW couldn't read her handwriting when she was writing our home study either! There was so much mis- informatoin in it! At one point, my husband had told her that the area where he grew up was so rural that upgrading to a bigger house meant welding a van to the side of your trailer! And she wrote that that was the house he grew up in! And there were so many incongruencies on size of our house, our ages, etc. So I fixed the problems and our new CW fixed them in the system and made sure that the children' s CW received the updated info.
So, we met our CW for lunch, as we didn't know her and she thought we were complete boon- dock rednecks, and had a very pleasant meeting with her. We decided to change our status to straight adopt instead of Legal Risk Foster meaning children would be placed with us while TPR- termination of parental rights is sought, and family member's can step forward and take the children to live with them before and while the adoption process is occuring. She told us that the CW for the children have 30 days to respond to our inquiry. I don't know what in the world can take 30 days. All their CW is doing is determining whether we are in the realm of reason to SPEAK with as a potential home for these children. From here, a meeting will be set up with us, our CW, their CW and supervisors (?) the current foster parents and any care providers for the children. We ask questions, they ask questions, we receive their medical history and school history and anything else pertaining to them. But today is 28 days...
We have been watching these children for so long, they feel like they already live with us. They are household names for all three of us, we include them in our daily prayers... We pray that they know that someone loves and wants them and that we are out there praying and cheering for them.
So, I just emailed our CW to say this is 28 days, when can we contact their CW to check status/ interest. I feel so powerless that the fate of my family's future is in the hands of someone who does not know anything about us except what is written on a peice of paper describing us. So, all we can do right now is pray...
We pray for wisdom and discernment for the case worker's involved in the case, that the children are safe and cared for and loved where they are now, that we are the right family to provide for their needs and that God will lead them to where they need to be to grow and find Him. And we pray for peace for ourselves and that we can retain the knowledge that our situation is in God's hands.
Sorry this was long, but had to get it all ...
Almost six years ago (10-24-02) our perfect boy was born with no complications, no help getting pregnant (2nd month off pill conceived), etc. We started trying to get pregnant again about ten months later, to no avail. I felt immediately that something was wrong, medical providers assured me that a year is not uncommon to achieve conception, so we should be patient... keep trying! So, I started tracking everything for a few months, returned to my doctor, they tested me... FINE. On to dear husband...
He was diagnosed with a varicosele (collapsed vein that feeds the testicles and keeps them up to temperature) , had surgery to repair, went through months of clomid treatments, multiple donation tests, no improvement... so they send us to a fertility specialist that told us that our only option was in vitro with a donor! Boy, was that a disappointing shock!
So, this began our journey of what to do as we knew we wanted to add more children to our family. We had offers to "help" conceive from well meaning friends, we thought about in vitro, briefly! We have always considered adoption. What to do?
At first we thought if we used a donor, at least a child would be half ours. But did we really want to spend that kind of money on in vitro, where we ran the risk of NOT conceiving, or conceiving too many at a time. (I own my own business and cannot work if pregnant with multiples, plus after the fact...) So then considered using a friend who had offered, but... JUST TOO WEIRD!! Very honored for them to offer, and the offer was genuine...
So one day, we decided to contact Andy's Uncle David, who is affiliated with a group home "orphanage" in Macon, for advice. He said we should contact our County DFCS office and look into becoming foster parents. He told us that the children who are in their home are there for the most part because they need to be in a group home setting. Many are special needs, are older and not suited for living in a classic famiy setting with a younger child already in our home.
So we prayed and considered options, and...
called DFCS to get info. They sent us a packet, and we waited a couple months for the next class to begin. So for six weeks or something, we went twice a week for IMPACT training, which ended just before Thanksgiving of '07, and the waiting began...
We waited...
and waited...
and waited...
Until FINALLY, the last day of my Son's school for the year, I fianally got a call...
Hi, this is "So and so" from XXXX County DFCS. We were just beginning to start a new series of training classes and I found your folder at the bottom of a pile on my desk, so I figured I should give you a call and get started on your case file. Boy, did I feel appreciated!
Now I knew that another couple we had been through classes with had been approved since February. But, we were all told to be patient and not call and harrass the CW's as they all had alot on their plates and would get to each of us in turn. So, we had gone about our business, assuming that it would happen in it's own time.
So, we set up a first meeting for a few weeks out from when she contacted as it was the first availability that she would have, Mid June maybe? She spent awhile at our house talking to all three of us, met our son, met our dogs, but didn't really look around the house at all. As she was leaving, she said that we needed to set up our second and final homestudy visit for some time in July as it was the soonest she could get back to us, and she told us on the sidewalk as she was leaving that she would be retiring August 1 and had to have everything finalized by then. GREAT!!! Another new person to get to know and get to know us...
So she came out, talked some more (didn't have her glasses so she couldn't read anything she was writing) made sure we gathered missing paperwork, looked at floor plan of our house, and looked around the property. And then she left saying she was going on a car trip the next day and would be calling us with some questions as she would be writing our home study. Never spoke to her again!
She did email on Aug. 1 and said that she was submitting our homestudy for approval and told us to look at the state's available children website and forwarded us a few children to look at that were not on there yet. And that someone would be contacting us to assign us a new CW, but that a new girl would be at her extension. SO , we waited and waited and went on vacation, and on our way home, we went to an adoption meet and greet (although there were no physical children, only booths set up with workers from each County) where we met the DFCS Supervisor, and were assigned a new CW finally, because we were there and couldn't easily be swept under the rug. Looked around at the waiting children, spoke to a few CW's , and found the table of the children we have been watching for awhile. I was so excited! And she was so short and disinterested in speaking with us... I was a little taken aback.
They are a sibling group of three, a 9 year old girl and a just 5 and just 6 year old boys. They are so cute! I am not supposed to publish names, but they can be found on www.myturnnow.com under sibling groups. (They are blond) The youngest boy is diagnosed with autism, but she said they are downgrading his diagnosis and she felt with some love and nurturing, they all would adapt fine. The girl is very quiet and withdrawn, but warms up once she knows you and that both of the kids who are in school are good students, and the youngest boy has been attending part time daycare.
We finally recieved approval of our home study a few weeks after this meeting (during which time we were unable to request info on these children), and as soon as we found out we were approved, we formally requested info on these children. And a couple of days later, we received a copy of our home study. Well, suffice it to say that our original CW couldn't read her handwriting when she was writing our home study either! There was so much mis- informatoin in it! At one point, my husband had told her that the area where he grew up was so rural that upgrading to a bigger house meant welding a van to the side of your trailer! And she wrote that that was the house he grew up in! And there were so many incongruencies on size of our house, our ages, etc. So I fixed the problems and our new CW fixed them in the system and made sure that the children' s CW received the updated info.
So, we met our CW for lunch, as we didn't know her and she thought we were complete boon- dock rednecks, and had a very pleasant meeting with her. We decided to change our status to straight adopt instead of Legal Risk Foster meaning children would be placed with us while TPR- termination of parental rights is sought, and family member's can step forward and take the children to live with them before and while the adoption process is occuring. She told us that the CW for the children have 30 days to respond to our inquiry. I don't know what in the world can take 30 days. All their CW is doing is determining whether we are in the realm of reason to SPEAK with as a potential home for these children. From here, a meeting will be set up with us, our CW, their CW and supervisors (?) the current foster parents and any care providers for the children. We ask questions, they ask questions, we receive their medical history and school history and anything else pertaining to them. But today is 28 days...
We have been watching these children for so long, they feel like they already live with us. They are household names for all three of us, we include them in our daily prayers... We pray that they know that someone loves and wants them and that we are out there praying and cheering for them.
So, I just emailed our CW to say this is 28 days, when can we contact their CW to check status/ interest. I feel so powerless that the fate of my family's future is in the hands of someone who does not know anything about us except what is written on a peice of paper describing us. So, all we can do right now is pray...
We pray for wisdom and discernment for the case worker's involved in the case, that the children are safe and cared for and loved where they are now, that we are the right family to provide for their needs and that God will lead them to where they need to be to grow and find Him. And we pray for peace for ourselves and that we can retain the knowledge that our situation is in God's hands.
Sorry this was long, but had to get it all ...
Monday, September 29, 2008
Here we are
So, here we are in the middle of our journey... actually, this may be the beginning or perhaps the end. We are in the process of enlarging our family. Most people do this the old- fashioned way, but apparently God has something else in mind for us. We are Andy, Tracy and Avery Duncan. We live in Gwinnett County, Ga. and are in the process of hopefully adopting through our local DFCS office.
We have chosen to go this route for several reasons, the first of which is we thought this would be the path of least resistance. Boy, were we wrong! It has taken right at a year to get through the approval process. We were finally approved around the middle of September. (that's it's own funny story!) Secondly, we have a wonderful child already (who DESPERATELY (thinks) he wants brothers and sisters), so we don't feel the need for an infant, and lastly, we want to make a difference here, in our country.
So, we have put in a request for information on a darling sibling group of three children, a nine yo girl, a six yo boy and a five yo boy, the two of which our son will fall smack dab between. Our house will be so full and busy... like music to my heart!
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